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Adam here: I remember Hannah-Jones’ original article from 2016. I was working in a variety of New York City schools, from very low-resourced schools to highly resourced private schools, and most often, the distinction between schools was drastic and obvious. And sometimes these schools were blocks away from each other. I even helped launch a local community school, part of the NYC Department of Education small school movement, that faced (and still faces) so many of the challenges listed in the article. However, the vibe, the joy and the sense of community in that school was different, something that was rarely replicated in the higher-resourced schools. My work and my colleagues’ work were both informed by and reflective of Hannah-Jones’ article. It was also around that time that Tabitha and I were enrolling our child in school for the first time, and this line from the article really sticks with me: “But I was no longer a mere observer of this system wreaking havoc on other people’s children. Now I was experiencing it with my own.”

As with everything that hits popular consciousness, there is so much commentary about Hannah-Jones’ choices, her daughter’s experience and everything in between. Amidst it all, we want to gently tease out a few things for us parents to consider. Before we share these, we want to first say:

We don’t present any conclusions or judgements.

We don’t claim to agree or disagree with the author’s choices.

And we don’t come to you with answers for any of this business of raising children.

If we take nothing else away from Hannah-Jones article, please take this:

Black and Brown parents face impossible choices. We have to hold the system accountable for this and try not to turn on each other.

But we do want us to ponder 3 main things:

1) Racism is systemic. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t address how it shows up on individual, institutional and interpersonal levels.

Adam here: Hannah-Jones’ article resonated deeply. As parents and educators, we try to fight racism on multiple levels. Hannah-Jones tried to combat it on an individual and institutional level within a system that remains incredibly racist. Even though one family or one school may seek to do better, they exist within a system that deprioritizes our Black and Brown children and, in many cases, causes them real harm. This doesn’t mean that, as parents, we shouldn’t still try to tackle inequities on multiple levels. It means that unfortunately, it takes relentless work that sometimes seems discouraging.

Tabitha here: Especially if you live in a Black or Brown body, combatting racism can wear on us in significant ways. It can lead to stress and anxiety which have real-life consequences on our health and well-being. We all exist within racist societies. Some societies hide it more than others but it is still the air we breathe, the ocean we swim in. So even when us parents try to do better for our kids and try to raise them antiracist, we’re doing so amidst major opposition and a vast majority of white people who are still looking at us wide-eyed and in disbelief when we say that racism is in everything around us. They still think we’re being “too much” even as people like Hannah-Jones, someone with privilege and positionality within her Blackness, illustrates how devastatingly difficult it is to try to solve racism within the realms of the power we hold. Organizing across class is absolutely a must if we are to begin to address these inequities.

As Hannah-Jones writes, “I knew the consequences of this educational neglect would follow them throughout their lives, as the failures here would be passed on to the next grade and the next. And then our society would blame their academic limitations on the dysfunctional culture and poor choices of their marginalized families, because blaming poor families is more convenient than calling for the dismantling of segregation.”

2) Parenting is a researched experiment. Raising justice-minded children is a researched experiment.

Tabitha here: When I started doing antiracist parenting work more than a decade ago, I was basing my work on pathways that emerged from both my personal experience and our community of parents. As time went on, I yearned to know what the research told us about raising justice-minded children. I earned a spot in an inaugural Masters in Education for Equity & Social Justice program and learned about previous studies involving children and teaching anti-racism. I eventually did a study on the 6 Building Blocks of Antiracist Parenting (that Adam and I developed) that led to an article published in the Journal of Progressive Human Services.

I studied the research.

I did the research.

And I still think that none of us are experts on how to raise our kids.

Each kid is a brand new prototype of themselves. They’re 1 of 1. And each parent is trying to figure out the best way to raise this new human with new stages every other day while we ourselves experience life in new ways.

In our workshops, we encourage anybody raising kids to not just teach age-appropriate lessons, but also kid-appropriate lessons. We each know our kid best, even if we’re not experts.

Add to that, many of us are trying to infuse lessons on justice and equity and kindness because we know we have to raise a generation of folks that both carry on the legacy of our ancestors while not repeating the harm done in previous years. We can’t keep repeating to folks why the ‘n’ word is not okay for white people to say. We can’t keep fighting the maternal health crisis forever. We have to raise kids who do better.

But this is all an experiment. We are trying. And that shouldn’t take the heaviness of the responsibility off our middle-aged (aching) shoulders. The reality is that, with every experiment, sometimes you get it right, sometimes you don’t and most times, you fall somewhere in the middle. Addressing societal inequities requires community interventions, and is also made more difficult by the fact that we need to make individual choices. Those of us with societal privilege often have more leeway with our choices. Around here, we give each other grace on the journey because none of us are getting it perfectly right and few are getting it all wrong.

3) White parents, and Black and Brown parents should read this article differently.

Adam here: The discourse online about this article has been largely split but one thing remains abundantly clear. White parents should not weaponize this article to stop doing the work they need to urgently do to desegregate schools and make all schools places of safety, learning and equitable opportunity for kids of all racial backgrounds.

White people created racism. It’s on white people to fix it.

Use your power, privilege and positionality to advocate for all kids, not just your kids. Support the PTA with resources if you have it, time and commitment. Also recognize when PTAs at neighboring schools are under-resourced because of racism, and use your resources and privilege to build coalitions that help lift up all schools. Be a part of your community in humble and meaningful ways. Go to school board meetings. Use that white privilege for some good. And most importantly, whether your kid attends a multiracial school or a PWI (predominantly white institution), do the work of antiracist parenting at home so your child does not perpetuate harm in the classroom and on the playground, making it hard for Black and Brown kids to feel safe while learning. Do the work needed so Black and Brown parents don’t have to make the impossible choices that Hannah-Jones had to make for her daughter.

To the many Black and Brown parents who may read Hannah-Jones’ article and feel that cocktail of emotions I described, we hear you. We see you.

The grim reality is that no matter where Black and Brown kids attend school in the United States, they will face inequity and racism. If they exist in predominantly white spaces, they may struggle with self-identity, awareness and the debating of the power of their own voice because of the lack of mirrors. They may face outright racism within halls meant for learning, even if they receive a different level of education. Because of systemic racism, if they attend predominantly Black schools, they may face a lack of resources, systemic underfunding of their education and other disparities that actually have nothing to do with Blackness and everything to do with racism, even as they may benefit from a level of cultural competence that will serve them well their entire lives. Hannah-Jones’ article struggles with this in a very raw, open way: “Across the country, I’d lectured about how educational inequality is systemic, but that this fact did not absolve each of us of our individual choices. And in the end, I could not even sustain the cause within my own family.”

As with so much of parenting, there are many opinions but few right answers.

As with so much of parenting, you’ll do the best you can with what you’re given for your kiddo.

As we said, we don’t have a conclusion for this article. We don’t have advice. Our hope is that folks read Hannah-Jones’ article and not get despondent. Don’t get discouraged. It’s grim out there for our little ones and there is no one educational solution that’ll benefit all Black children. Black ancestors fought to desegregate schools but they didn’t have it easy, either. We also hope that white parents read the article and pause to consider how the ills of racism affect everyone, all generations, all ages. And we hope a part of reading this article includes deep reflection that turns into action.

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If you’re receiving our article, you’re a part of this tiny slice of the internet where parents are striving to be anti-racist for our little ones. We’re attempting to combat racism at the individual, interpersonal, systemic and institutional level for the world we want to build with our kids. We’re trying to raise antiracist children and that goal binds us together. This huge experiment called parenting invites us to fight for our kids with all we got and do better when we fall short. And we’re doing that together, one day at a time.

That’s all we got today. Stay safe and be on the right side of history, right?

Tabitha and Adam

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As parents, we go through so much and as you lead into Fall, give yourself a bit of compassion and maybe even a gentle hug. You made it! You got through another summer! And that’s worth a celebration.

For those of us whose kids are returning to school, some of the same ole nonsense is at play. ICE continues to brutalize our communities. DEI is still under attack. Fascism is still on the rise. And schools continue to try to figure out how to deal with it all in ways that keep our children safe.

As parents, we also have a huge role to play in helping keep our kids safe. It matters how we show up in our school communities, and how we support educators in the task of giving our children an accurate and well-rounded education. It matters how we teach our kids to approach the joys and opportunities of school environments while acknowledging the limitations of any system, including the educational one, that will not teach them everything they need to know.

Writer and NAACP Image Award winner Tracey Michae’l Lewis-Giggetts said on the Instagrams, “I don’t think our ancestors dreamed only of our freedom. I think they also dreamed of our delight. Perhaps these are one and the same.” It’s on us to model and teach our kids about what it means to center our freedom and our delight.

As we enter the new school year, we offer 3 tips for back-to-school for us parents striving to be anti-racist during these fascist times.

Lead at the speed of relationship.

Be a part of the school community before a problem occurs. A school community is made stronger with an active parent body. There is power in community, the type that can fuel us and help us connect with each other’s humanity. And as you build community, seek out ways to do so that aren’t only in-person to allow for accessibility and allow for many types of interactions.

“Do not obey in advance”.

This is one of the key lessons in fighting tyranny. Do not let unjust practices of book bans, ICE in schools etc, just happen around your kids. Use your voice, especially if you hold privilege, to advocate for equity and safety in schools. This can be asking the school library about their book collections. It can be making sure booklists contain diverse authors, etc. It can be asking the superintendent what their plan is if ICE knocks on a school door. It can be showing up to school board meetings. Whatever you do, don’t be silent. Do not obey in advance.

Do the work at home

Us parents have power in the home to buy banned books for our kids, to teach them to speak up and to be empathetic, anti-racist, and kind. What we model and teach at home creates the foundation for what they will take into the school. We have an immense amount of power to teach our children about the type of community they deserve. The type where all kids are able to be safe and thrive. Go to the library to borrow books to read at home (or go to your local bookstore to add them to your family’s collection). Ask your kids about their history and social studies classes. Talk to them about how to resolve conflict. Show them a different way.

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We’re in this for the long haul. Building communities of care and equity takes work. Stay engaged. Back to school can be an exciting time for many and a conflicting time for others. We try to make space for finding a balance somewhere in between.

We’re sending you so much love and care during this time. Take care, okay?

Tabitha and Adam

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Either way, they need to be debunked because all are dangerous to our Black kids. So I took on the task.

I penned two articles for Good Housekeeping that every adult who interacts with Black children need to read. I was honored to benefit from the expertise of Brianna Olamiju, M.D., a board-certified dermatologist, to learn all about what we need to do to protect Black children’s skin from harmful rays.

You may be wondering what sunscreen has to do with raising antiracist kids. As with every single system that exists, the healthcare industry is not exempt from racism. And that is evident in the medical care that our Black kids receive. Part of parenting, caring for and educating Black kids is being knowledgeable about the proper care for them so that they can have the best chance at a long healthy life. Health and wellbeing is a part of that. Often, as explained in the articles, even professionals need support in wading through the misinformation about Black kids and sun protection.

Recommended Adult Reading:

“I’m a Black Mom—Here’s What I Got Wrong About Sunscreen”

This article debunks 5 most common myths about Black kids and sunscreen. Read that one here. Some of these I even believed myself all the way into my adulthood so no shame if you did as well.

“I Finally Found the Perfect Sunscreen for My Family—and It Leaves Zero White Cast”

And because I didn’t want to leave us adults without some actionable support for our kiddos, I wrote about the one sunscreen I use for my entire family here. You read that right. I use one sunscreen for all our skin tones, our skin dramas and everything in between.

Remember the first building block of anti-racist parenting is Continuous Education. When we know better, we do better and we’re able to teach our kiddos from a much more informed position.

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As we wrap up the summer, take good care, try to get some rest and love up on your kids, okay?

Tabitha

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We live in societies where the undercurrents (and huge waves) of racism are evident throughout. People, including educators and parents, still use language and sing songs with children that are majorly racist. The School Library Journal stresses that many folks don’t even know which nursery rhymes are racist and why. Because of Trump’s negative stance on commonsense DEI initiatives, many schools now shy away from teaching kids and educators about the realities of these racist elements, for fear of getting their funding pulled. This leaves us all less informed and less equipped to combat racism with our children.

When our kids are in school, they may hear or say things that might actually be a reflection of this societal racist undercurrent, or they can simply be shared from another child’s curiosity.

The intent does not change the impact, though.

Wherever and however it arises, we can only address racism at home and in the classroom if we recognize why it is problematic and take steps to repair the harm when it happens.

That’s where we come in 🙂

We’re going to wade right into the muck. We’re discussing some racist things that pop up in classrooms and on playgrounds, along with how you, the parent or educator, can address it head-on with facts.

Today, let’s delve into the racist practice of calling Black kids “monkey”.

Some time ago, our kid was receiving swimming lessons. Her teacher, a lovely young woman who is not a native English speaker, noticed her trying to climb out of the pool, legs and arms first. She started to laugh and playfully called her a monkey.

Her intent was not to be racist but the impact definitely was. We have long talked with our kids about why this word is a problem, and our daughter was unsure of how to respond.

Here’s why this is racist:

Tabitha here: Black people have long faced attempts to dehumanize us (read a short history here). Researcher James Bradley noted that pseudo-science claimed that “white Europeans were described as closest to the angels, while black Africans….were closest to the apes”. Dating back to the slavery era, Black people were treated as if they were animals, herded onto boats, shackled, starved, and forced to labor in inhumane conditions without pay. Even today, Black children are adultified, the assumption of innocence and humanity ripped away from them because of a continuation of this dehumanization. This is evident in the sexualization and criminalization of Black children. In entertainment programming in the past, Black features were made fun of, using exaggerated Black paint and big red lips on white entertainers to mimic our looks and compare them to that of monkeys.

Comparing a Black person to a monkey or mimicking monkey noises around us is rooted in that history and is still used deliberately to demean and belittle Black people.

Even when done playfully, calling a little Black child a monkey is racist. It begins the othering, the adultifying and even the mammifying, at a young age.

Intent can change approach but it does not change impact.

Conversation Pointers

What to say to adults:

• If you’ve witnessed a Black child be called a monkey playfully or with racist intent by an adult, here is some guidance on how to respond.

“Calling a Black child a monkey is actually racist. I can send you some resources on this but, in a nutshell, it harkens to the rampant dehumanization of Black people which leads to the adultification and criminalization of Black children, inequitable approaches to the care of Black kids and more. There is a long history of this dating back to the slavery era. Referring to them as monkeys, even if done playfully, is not okay and you should not do that.”*

*If the adult is a professional working with children, we recommend following the institution’s policy on reporting racist incidents.

What to say to children:

• If you’ve witnessed a child call a Black child a monkey playfully or with racist intent, here is some guidance on how to respond.

“Hi! I heard you call your friend a monkey. That is wrong and is actually racist. Calling a Black person a monkey compares them to an animal. They are not an animal. They are a human being. We do not do that. The word monkey has been used to try to make Black people feel less than human and that is wrong. Let’s see if your friend is okay with accepting an apology and what you can do to make it better, and then let’s find a book to learn more about this.”

If you witness anyone calling a Black child a monkey, intervene.

Every time.

In real time.

This demonstrates to all children that racism will not be tolerated. It also demonstrates to adults that racism will not be tolerated and hard conversations need to be leaned into.

Kids Book Recommendation:

One of our favorite books to teach kids about the history of race is Our Skin, A First Conversation About Race by Dr. Megan Madison, Jessica Ralli and Isabel Roxas. This comes in a board book and a hard cover and, in our opinion, is one of the best intros to conversations about race for kids.

Adult Reading Recommendation:

The Ape Insult: A Short History of a Racist Idea

The Adultification of Black Children

Blackface: The Birth of An American Stereotype

As you head back to school, it’s imperative that we equip ourselves with the knowledge and tools to keep all kids safe at home, on the playground and in the classroom. It’s important for us parents to talk with our kids and it’s important for educators to both pro-actively and reactively protect all kids in classrooms, especially Black and Brown kids.

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That’s it from us for today. Stay safe. Protect your neighbours and let your kiddos know you love them, okay?

Tabitha & Adam

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Fast forward to today. Adam and I both feel incredibly grateful that we get to travel with our kids, that we can expose them to life both outside of our community and also outside of the U.S.A.

What is Travel?

Exposing kids to travel can take many forms. Sometimes it means a big journey by plane, train, bus or car, staying with family and friends AND it can also mean exploring a nearby park, museum or a new town. Exploring travel with kids can even happen without leaving your home: reading a book or watching a show to learn about other places, cooking foods from another country or simply using our imaginations to visit far off lands and try new experiences. For our daughter, any overnight trip to another person’s house is incredibly exciting (a hotel in the next town? Might as well be a monthlong journey around the world for her).

The Privilege of Travel

Still, taking a journey away from home can be an immensely privileged activity between the high costs (and these costs are only rising), the ability to take time off work and transportation that is not always accessible. For those looking to travel outside their home country, passports and visas may not be easily attained, even for some immigrants in our own community.

And part of raising anti-racist kids is having these convos with them so that their perspectives shift on the systemic inequities that make travelling away from home accessible to some and less accessible to others. If you’re traveling for the summer, one conversation starter can be:

“Not all kids get the chance to travel outside their home. We don’t assume that all kids took summer trips. Instead of asking our friends where they went over the summer, we can ask them more generally how their summer was.”

Some children spend the summer in school, taking classes, working or helping their families. Assuming that all kids get the chance to rest and rejuvenate through travel can make some children feel othered and can reduce their sense of belonging.

De-centering America For American Children

For American children, it’s so important to de-center this country for their little minds. It’s crucial for kids to see that people all over the world live in different ways, have different habits AND are also connected by our shared humanity. Fascism, racism and white supremacy seek to divide us and make us think that some countries are better or worse than others. In reality, the U.S.A. plays a big role in de-stabilizing other countries and extracting their resources for our own gain. Breaking apart this myth of American exceptionalism is key to building a global community for our little ones while acknowledging the (unearned and unfair) privileges afforded to them.

We may eat different foods but we still all want our kids to be happy, fed and well-adjusted.

We may work differently but we all want to afford a good life for ourselves and our loved ones.

We may speak different languages but we all want to communicate and connect with those we love.

We may have different cultural practices but we all want to be seen and acknowledged for the wholeness of who we are, including our culture and heritage.

Traveling away from home can be international and it can also be local within the states. Many different communities exist within the United States and traveling locally can be an incredibly enriching experience for families (if you’re looking for road trip ideas in the U.S., you might find inspiration and guidance from our Family Civil Rights History Road Trip).

HOW To Do Family Travel Through An Anti-racist Lens

Adam here: As Tabitha and I have had the amazing opportunity to travel the country and the world with our kids (we made sure to travel as much as possible before our youngest turned 2 while his plane ticket was free), we’ve also learned a bit about HOW to fuse our antiracist values with our travel practices through lots of trial and error. Traveling with intention, with the goal of reducing harm and supporting the communities we visit is possible.

Tabitha here: I wrote an article for Romper some time ago where I went into great detail about HOW to do this and we want to re-share that with you here as the summer gets into full swing and some families are exploring travel. These tips are relevant whether you are traveling across the globe or not even leaving your living room.

As you read, remember that planning can be a family activity. Kids can help plan as parents lead conversations with them connecting travel with equity and anti-racism. Library books can also be an important resource for kids in trip preparation. If you’re looking for guidance on talking with kids about topics like colonization, genocide and more, here are some conversation starters.

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That’s it from us for today. Whatever you and your family are doing, we hope you are able to enjoy the summer the way you’d like. Summer can also be a stressful time for parents, between camps, summer school, and juggling kids at home for anyone who doesn’t have a local support network. If that’s you, we’re sending you best wishes that you get a moment of peace in there.

Tabitha & Adam

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Today is Juneteenth!

And we couldn’t leave you without sharing one of our favorite books for kids 5 and under about this important day, as well as some resources for kids of all ages, whether you parent or teach.

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Our absolute favorite beginner book to teach kiddos about Juneteenth is Let’s Celebrate Juneteenth written by Tonya Abari.

We love this little book because:

1. It’s a great introductory book for young kids to learn about Juneteenth

2. The colors and imagery are stunningly bright and beautiful, perfect for little eyes

3. The board book format makes it easy to grasp for little fingers

4. With minimal words but chockful of pictures, it’s a book that little kiddos can explore on their own

5. It’s very affordable at $10 (and also available in many libraries)

Even if you can’t get a physical copy, listen and watch a read-aloud version read by Jacqueline Sanders-Blackman.

Often, people assume that young kids don’t have the cognitive capacity to start to learn about big concepts like freedom and slavery. That’s simply not true and we’re happy that authors like Tonya Abari are helping make these conversations accessible for our tiny readers.

Are your kids past the baby stage but you’re still on the lookout for Juneteenth resources for them? Here are some more that are awesome whether you parent or teach.

WATCH

• Molly of Denali What is Juneteenth? Video (We like this video because we LOVE Molly of Denali and this video is both an explainer video and a view of how different communities educate each other and celebrate together.)

• Sesame Street’s Let’s celebrate Juneteenth Song

READ

• PBS lists 14 kids books for celebrating Juneteenth that are great for a variety of ages

• We Are Teachers provides 20 Powerful Juneteenth Activities For Kids Of All Ages (this is especially important because teaching about Juneteenth and related topics is under attack)

• National Museum of African American History And Culture: Understanding and Celebrating Juneteenth Kids Resource Guide

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That’s all from us for today. Happy Juneteenth! Try to get outside and get some fresh air today, okay? And if you’re in our forever home of NYC, we’re very jealous of you. Enjoy the vibes and the Knicks win.

Tabitha & Adam

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We’re writing to you from a bit of a different emotional space than we previously have. We’ve been processing something that happened recently (side note: the kids are physically fine as are we), and we’ve been thinking through specifically how it relates to our anti-racist parenting. Antiracist parenting involves examining and undoing harmful, deeply entrenched systems, and striving for a better, safer world for our children. That means exploring the roots of things like racism, white supremacy and even gun violence in America.

It means that we have to talk about the emotional and psychological impact of all of this on our kids.

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Adam here: As we tend to do, we took the kids to a protest on May Day. Tabitha was working to support a coalition of organizations called May Day Strong over the last few months for a national day of action that called for “No work. No school. No shopping” on May 1st. With over 4,000 events occurring, this was a powerful day that proved the current and potential power of people and movements as we unite against the billionaire class who hoard resources to harm and not heal.

We were in Spain on May Day, where community organizing and union activism is common and strong. So we found a local march and hopped on the Metro to take our kids. Our kids have been to dozens of marches and protests over the years so this wasn’t a big deal for them or us.

Tabitha here: We got off the metro and were met with loud chants and a march that wove its way slowly down the center of the street. We followed along on the sidewalk, me grasping our 6 year-old-daughter’s hand. A little ways away, a little girl of about 4 was playing hide and seek behind her parent’s skirt with one of the other marchers.

All of a sudden, we heard a series of extremely loud popping noises, staccato-like, very close to us, followed by a loud bang.

Every fiber in my body went into high alert because my first thought was that we were in the midst of a mass shooting.

Still holding my daughter’s hand, I started to run in the opposite direction of the sounds. My daughter, equally alarmed, stumbled and fell. I bent to pick her up, losing her shoe and breaking my phone case in my haste. She started to scream that we had left her shoe behind.

At that moment, I turned around for the first time, only to find the crowd seemingly unperturbed.

Nobody was running.

Nobody was alarmed.

The little girl was continuing her game of hide and seek. Red smoke filled the air from a flare. The march was moving at its normal pace. A man next to me looked at us, slightly amused and told me that this happens all the time in Valencia.

The loud noises that my kids and I thought were gunshots were simply firecrackers, a seemingly common occurrence in protests.

If this had been in the U.S., people would have hit the floor and chances are the noises could have been gunshots.

Adam and I brought the kids away from the crowd to a quieter area and checked in with everyone. Both kids were visibly shaking, as was I. Our 11-year-old son begged us to leave. We walked to a nearby restaurant for lunch and talked about what had just happened. The kids played Tetris for a few minutes to attempt to mimic the effects of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), a treatment for trauma. After a while, they were back to their usual goofy selves.

All I could think about was that our American children are so used to hearing about gun violence, being prepared for mass shootings in their schools, having gun violence be so normalized in their lives, that their first thought was that the sounds were gun shots.

And that trauma is living in their bodies, no matter how hard us parents try to teach them that this is not normal.

Gun violence is a major problem for all our American kids but it’s also a racial justice issue. America’s attachment to guns, to the second amendment, flooding guns into historically marginalized redlined areas, the call for more guns in schools after mass shootings. It is a uniquely American problem driven in part from our country’s legacy of slavery and genocide.

America’s fascist government does not care about our children, particularly our Black and Brown children. They seek to prevent them from accessing a fact-based education, they play games with their health by providing false information about vaccines, and the list goes on. All while sending them to school in a country where mass shootings in schools are so frequent, lockdown drills are a regular part of kids’ lives.

And I think about the impact this all has on our little ones. Their growing brains. Their emotional states. Their sense of safety. And their ability to feel hope for a home that does not care about their safety.

We want to raise kids who care about their country, who love their country and who will strive to help make it the best it can be. But what do we do when that country’s leadership does not care about them enough to safeguard their lives?

As I watched our 6-year-old shriek in terror at her missing shoe on the streets of Spain, as I saw our 11-year-old’s shaking hands, I was gripped with a feeling of anger towards a country that I love that is not a safe place for children.

What is America doing to our children?

We ask this question after seeing the emotional impact of normalized gun violence in our kids’ lives. Long before this administration was in power, the United States was not a safe place for our kids because of deep systemic inequities targeting Black and Brown children, white supremacy, racism, and class disparities. But even when this period of fascism has passed (and we believe that it will pass, thanks to all of the community resistance), the damage will be felt and will last for a long time.

We don’t have good news to share with you today. I am shaking again as I write this, even though it’s been weeks. Our wish for us parents and educators is that we do every little bit to teach the kids in our care about building a country, a world, that they deserve for themselves and for future generations. One that is kind, equitable, just and centers those most vulnerable. Our wish is that we realize that each of us has a part to play in protecting ALL our little ones because, this current reality? It’s not working.

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We’re sending so much love and care to you and your little ones. Hold them close, if they let you, okay?

Adam & Tabitha

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Adam here: Today, we’re delving into the realities of anti-racist parenting during times of uncertainty, unrest and just plain danger for many of us. We’re going to talk about lessons we’ve learned, and also share a few reminders for getting through fascist times by grounding ourselves in anti-racist parenting practices. And as always, we share Conversation Helpers for talking with kids during these times.

Anyone who knows a thing or three about the racist history of the United States knows that this period in time should come as no surprise. Fascist leaders need to denigrate parts of the population to maintain outsized power. It’s not only a weird obsession, it’s a tactic to distract from harmful policies and changes, like normalizing war or placing the National Guard in U.S. cities. By othering people, they create false outrage (for or against or silent, but nuance is a no-no). They distract from their real goals (maybe power, money or avoiding legal troubles), and eventually people become complacent when we’re just all so tired of the nonsense.

When we get to a point where we say “Well, at least the roving bands of ICE agents terrorizing Black and Brown people on the streets of Minneapolis/New Jersey/ New York (and more!) are not visible every day,” we downplay that they are continuing their patrols and attacks in other, less in-your-face ways. We are also ignoring the many people in our communities that are targeted and live with a sense of real trauma every day, even before Trump was elected.

And though we know that the pendulum tends to swing in both directions over the course of history, this period of time seems particularly awful because of the cruelty of this current administration.

Anti-fascist parenting has its roots in anti-racist parenting. When we develop a parenting practice that centers justice and equity for all, when we teach our children that our values are grounded in love, when we nurture a type of social justice that is based in community, we are more equipped when the tides of fascism come a-rolling.

We’re more ready because we’re already fighting injustice with our kiddos in tow.

We’re more ready because we’ve taught them to practice justice and equity every day, not dependent on the news cycle, but because it leads us to birth a more cohesive, stronger community in a world where all can be free.

We’re more ready because we’ve learnt that systems built without us will never really prioritize us AND it’s on us to keep them accountable, no matter who is in power.

We’re more ready because our activism is grounded in love and action.

Here are 5 anti-racist parenting reminders that might be helpful during this time of fascism and some conversation helpers when chatting with our children:

1) The kids feel it, too, even when us parents try to protect them.

The tensions we see and feel at the national level may be playing out on our kids’ playgrounds. Whether it’s exclusion or a rise in bullying, the discourse is heated and our kids are replicating it. Just the same way we see racism play out on playgrounds across the country all the time, the same is happening with fascism.

• Conversation Helper: “Remember when we went to that protest? Do you remember what we were protesting for? Have you heard anything at school about some of the things we protested for? What do you think we can do about this?”

2) Us parents need to de-normalize attempts to normalize bigotry with our kids.

Behavior that threatens and denigrates vulnerable populations, such as immigrants and trans people, is normalized in the news and in conservative circles. The New York Times itself has been guilty of using language that dangerously dehumanizes trans people and Palestinians and conflates anti-Semitism and anti-Zionism, to name a few. This rhetoric trickles down to our kids. It’s on us parents to make that behavior very very abnormal to them.

• Conversation Helper: “Do people around you use words that feel unsafe or unkind to others? What do you think we should do when they do that? What other words can they use instead?”

3) Promises have been broken since the dawn of America.

Tabitha here: BIPOC/People of the global majority, particularly Black people in the U.S., are still not seeing the promises of a supportive, affirming and safe country. We haven’t, even under other administrations. This iteration of the government feels particularly unsafe but us parents might want to steer clear of framing this time as the only awful time this country has gone through.

• Conversation Helper: “What can we do to help everyone feel safe in their country? What does safety feel like? What does it look like? Should we try to draw it on paper?”

4) Racism, fascism and toxic masculinity are besties.

There is a rapid rise in toxic masculinity that has become a core tenet of the Trump administration. Attempting to dismantle the Institute of Peace and renaming the Department of Defense to the Department of War? Weird macho move. Playing with people’s access to abortion medication? Weird macho move. Using the Department of Justice to go after women who accused Trump of sexual abuse? Weird macho move. Attacking trans kids’ rights to gender affirming care? Weird macho move. Our kids are definitely feeling these attempts to claim masculinity as toxic, unhealthy and steeped in power. As they seek to normalize mistreatment of women and gender non-conforming people, it’s on us parents to teach our kids how to resist it. It’s on us to teach them, especially our young boys, that we want to help people be who they want to be. Healthy masculinity includes not hurting others and this is something that is everyone’s collective responsibility.

• Conversation Helper: “Remember when we talked about ways to make the rules fair and kind for everyone? What do you think we can do to make sure that everyone has what they need, no matter their gender, race, or any other identity? What can we do to protect trans kids who want to be happy and safe in their bodies, just like you do?”

5) This joy that I have, the world won’t take it away (sing it with us!).

They can do a lot of damage but we won’t let them steal our joy. It sounds glib, right? It sounds a bit light to say that during these times. But their goal is to rob us and our families of the things that make us human and connected so that we are too tired, too jaded to fight back against their attacks. They want us disheartened and weary. But when we claim bits of joy for ourselves, we reclaim our humanity. When we teach our kids that it’s ok to do things that make us happy even when things are so very bad, we teach them to connect with the parts of themselves that give them fuel for the fight. We need joy to fuel anti-racism and we definitely need joy to fuel anti-fascism. We are big on modeling joy for our kids. Be it something as simple as painting our nails, or hugging a friend (with consent) or spending a weekend morning giggling at cartoons together, find your bits of joy and cling to them.

• Conversation Helper: “What makes you happy? What makes your belly feel good? Should we do that right now?”

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In times of fascism, anti-racist parenting can be a guide. Anti-racism isn’t simply an actionable guide that teaches equity. It’s a practice that can help us build bravery and strength for us and for our kiddos for a long time.

That’s it from you for today. We hope you get outside at least just a little today. Take good care, okay?

Tabitha and Adam

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So today, we’re going back to basics and exploring how to talk specifically about fascism and resistance with our children using simple language that they are more likely to understand. As always, we’re going to share with you some important Kid-Sized Definitions and some action steps to take with children.

Tabitha here: I feel like every time I sit down to write, I start with some version of “In today’s latest Trump travesties…” Every single day seems to bring a fresh dose of disaster, injustice, missteps and plain cruelty.

And yet, us parents are living through it with our young ones, wiping butts and tackling fevers while trying to show up for our families and communities. Try as you might, it’s virtually impossible to keep our parenting separate from what’s happening in this world. AND, just like anti-racist parenting, anti-fascist parenting requires us to find a way to live through this while doing the best we can to resist for the future we want to build for us and our kiddos.

As a Black mama to two Black multiracial children, I try to be intentional and upfront about the times we’re living in with our kids. But honestly, somewhere between homework, feeding our kids three times daily and managing a multitude of feelings about everything from who gets more cereal in the morning to what allowance is fair, some things have slipped through the cracks. And I realized we’ve been talking about fascism and resistance all wild and loose without actually ensuring our kiddos understand what these mean.

Adam here: We’ve repeated this many times and we’ll say it again. It is a privilege to not discuss these topics with kids. Even if we’ve spoken about specific topics like ICE or war or book bans, we need to give our kids the full picture of what is happening. Our goal isn’t to scare them. It’s to help them to understand the times within which they are living and process it in a healthy way.

So, today, we’re providing some support for you in talking with kids about Fascism and Resistance, along with action steps to take. Because what is anti-fascist parenting if all we do is talk amongst ourselves and clutch our pearls, right?

FASCISM

Kid-Sized Definition

Fascism is when one person has all the power, makes all the rules and punishes those who don’t agree with them or who don’t follow the rules. The rules are oftentimes very unfair and unkind to people with the least power.

Conversation Helper

Imagine if one kid on the playground made all the rules and bullied everyone who didn’t agree with them. Imagine if everyone around that kid, like teachers and other kids and even the principal, just let it happen and supported that one kid.

Open-Ended Questions

• How would you feel if something like that happened on the playground?

• How do you think the other kids would feel?

• Why do you think the teachers and other kids and the principal would not try to stop them?

• What would happen if they did try to stop them?

Action Item

• What would you do if something like that happened on the playground?

• What would you do to help the kids who are being hurt by the unfair rules?

RESISTANCE

Kid-Sized Definition

Resistance is fighting back against unfairness. Resistance means taking action against unfairness.

Conversation Helper

Imagine if there was an unfair rule on the playground that everyone had to pay $50 to use the swings. And imagine if one person said, “Nope! This is unfair! Everyone should be able to use the swings!” And they sat on the swing and refused to move until the rule was changed. That’s resistance.

Open-Ended Questions

• Can you think of some ways we can resist unfair rules?

• What are some big ways to resist injustice from people in power?

• What are some little ways to resist unfairness?

Action Item

• What are some unfair rules you’ve heard about that the government is using to hurt people? What do you think we can do to stop it?

• Let’s list 2 things we can do this week - one big and one small - to resist the unfair rules by this government.

If you’re looking for some ways to get involved in resistance efforts with kids, be sure to read our series on The Do’s and Dont’s of Protesting With Kids, and Micro-Resistance when your family’s risk may be higher (e.g. for mixed status families and families of the global majority).

Do this one thing with your kids today!

If you’re looking for one time-sensitive action item to do with kids, read Dr. Megan Pamela Ruth Madison’s article on preventing a federal book banning legislation. She provides a step-by-step guide on contacting your representatives and you can totally do this with older kids.

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That’s it from us for today. If you’re off for Spring Break, enjoy! And if you have been observing Eid, Easter, Solstice, or Passover like we do, we hope you have found joy and community. Chag Sameach!

Tabitha & Adam

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Parenting under fascism requires a myriad of tools under our belts and micro-resistance is but one of them. We’re going to talk about some ways we can normalize micro-resistance with our kids and provide you with some actionable guidance and conversation helpers to get started.

Over the last year, many corporations, institutions and high profile figures have committed the #1 no-no as it pertains to living under a fascist regime.

They’ve obeyed in advance.

From donations to the inauguration, rollbacks on DEI at over 400 campuses across the country, and meetings at the White House to performing at MAGA events, it’s been disappointing to see some of our faves seek to protect their privilege and positionality, throwing the betterment of our country and our children to the wind.

In response to this, many of us have used boycotting as a tool of resistance. Whether it’s as part of a boycott campaign, like Target or Disney, or simply a re-prioritization of our dollars towards companies that align with our values, boycotting is a critical and important micro-resistance tool that each of us have the power to utilize in this fight against fascism globally.

It’s also a really impactful practice for kids to learn as they start to realize the power of money.

This got us thinking about other forms of micro-resistance that families with kids can do to fight oppression. We want to reiterate, though, that these do not replace the need to be visibly resistant and to use our position and privilege to fight back. BUT for some families in our community, visible resistance isn’t an option, like families with immigrants of mixed statuses. Micro-resistance plays an important role in teaching our kids about our responsibility as changemakers during a time of fascism AND can also contribute to the growing pushback against this regime.

It must be said, though, that families with privilege should push themselves to the limits of that privilege especially because others without privilege cannot.

What is Micro-Resistance?

Micro-resistance is a practice that has been studied since 1985 though it’s been in existence for far longer. It is defined as small acts that people or businesses take that may be visible or private with the goal of resisting oppression and injustice. These small acts can contribute in major ways and can be accessible for families, especially those with young kids. Micro-resistance shouldn’t take away the need for bold and brave action in the face of injustice and fascism but these small acts can be revolutionary and can contribute to the snowball of resistance.

Here are some forms of micro-resistance that are accessible to families with kids, actions for each and a short conversation helper to start discussing these with your kids:

Boycotts

Many families can choose to stop shopping at big brands that are complicit or directly support this administration. Some examples of these brands are Meta, Amazon, Target, and McDonalds (McDonalds also faces boycotts for their complicity in the genocide in Gaza).

Action- Shop at small businesses wherever possible. Plan ahead to decrease the need to resort to the most convenient options when in a rush.

Conversation Helper- “As a family, we use our money to shop at places that care for everyone and that try to do as little harm as possible. This business is not one of them. They (give a concrete example of what the business is doing to cause harm). Let’s do some research together to find another place to shop.”

Sharing Factual Information

In this current age of rampant disinformation, sharing accurate information can be instrumental in correcting narratives. This is especially necessary for older relatives who may not be as tech-savvy and may be susceptible to deliberate disinformation attempts. It can also be helpful for young men who may be particularly vulnerable to creeping misogyny online.

Action-This can look like sending fact-based news articles. For teens, it can look like texting fact-based social media links to perspectives that center healthy masculinity, justice and equity. Check back to see what 3 things they found most interesting in the article to spark a discussion.

Conversation Helper- “It’s important for us to share information that is true. Let’s research that thing Grandma told us about yesterday and send her the information we find. I can do the reading and you can press the laptop buttons (older kids can read on their own).”

Using Art to Resist

Creating art as a family can be a powerful way to help open discussions about resisting fascism. AND educating our kids about fighting fascism is not a micro-resistance. That’s big-time resistance.

Action- Set aside some time weekly (maybe on the weekend if weekdays are too wild) to create protest art together. Use this opportunity to talk with kids about what’s happening in the world, what us families can do about it and the world we want to build together. Display the art in their room and/or in shared living spaces or a window. These can even be conversation starters for guests to your home.

Conversation Helper- “Let’s get out our art supplies and make some art to express how we feel. This week, I saw that X happened (focus on one issue). Why do you think that is unfair? Let’s draw what you think can be done about it and let’s think about where we can hang it up.”

Language As Resistance

We’ve witnessed increased attacks on trans people and queer people, both from this administration, online and in society. Raising children who respect and honor everyone for who they are can include starting with inclusive language in everyday life.

Action- Incorporate inclusive language in play. If your kiddo loves dolls or figurines, include gender neutral pronouns and identities. Normalize asking what their pronouns are, even in play. In everyday life, veer away from assuming people’s gender based on how they look.

Conversation Helper- “I love your doll’s dress! What is their favorite color?” or “That person’s car is a lovely shade of yellow. I wonder if yellow is their favorite color” or “I didn’t notice your new figurine. What’s their pronouns?”

Advocate To Lawmakers

Even though it might seem futile at this moment in history, lawmakers can shift their policy stances based on what they hear from their constituents. It may seem like a small thing to call or write to lawmakers but every call or letter can add to the growing voices of resistance.

Action- Use tools like 5 Calls or Common Cause to advocate to one’s local representatives.

Conversation Helper- “Lawmakers make the rules that can either help us or harm us and our community. Let’s write a letter to them to let them know what we believe in and that they need to think about this when they are making the rules.”

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Okay, so it could be argued that all of these are not actually tiny acts at all 🙂They can have tremendous impact for sure.

But!

More importantly, they can help us and our kids normalize and habitualize resistance towards injustice and fascism. When these small acts are normalized in the home, our kids grow up knowing that resistance is actionable and should be a part of their daily lives. Each small act may seem tiny to us but they can contribute to building a louder megaphone that can’t be ignored.

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That’s it from us for today. Try to get some fresh air today, okay? Do one small thing that brings you joy and tell us about it.

Sending our best,

Tabitha & Adam

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While many saw this as an innocent comment, maybe even complimentary, it actually revealed the subtleties of bias that are all around us.

Black style is such a defining and influential force in culture. Black hair has always been an expression of who Black women and girls are and how we show up in the world. Be it trends like knotless boho braids or classic afros, our style is a huge part of our cultural expression and it often sets the tone for trends globally.

Rassi’s comment showed clearly that knowledge of Black style was not seen as a requirement for reporting about one of the biggest media moments in entertainment.

Braids are a very intentional, time-intensive hairstyle that many Black women and girls use. What could have been a moment to focus on the power and influence of Black beauty on one of the biggest red carpets in the world was over-shadowed by Rassi’s ignorance about Black culture. The word “undone” especially when used in contrast to her “done” dress implied that the hairstyle was out of place, not fit to be matched with a red carpet dress.

But this is the Raising Antiracist Kids newsletter so this article isn’t really about Rassi.

And it’s actually not even about Infiniti’s stunning look.

It’s about the words that are still being used to describe Black women and girls’ hair that many may view as harmless but that actually send forth big hints of racism, ignorance and othering.

The phrase “undone” is problematic, because throughout American history, Black people have been judged harshly by the white gaze, risking not getting a job, being arrested or potentially even worse if we are perceived to be “undone” or shabby or unkempt.

Still, because we aim to be asset-based in our parenting, here’s some guidance on talking about Black hair with and around kids, especially if you’re not Black (some Black people note that they don’t want to be othered and actually resent any extra attention to their appearance. Some appreciate the positive affirmations. Everyone is entitled to their stance on this). If you have any doubts, don’t make a comment but compliments can be empowering for our Black kids. We offer some guidance on this:

As a Black woman, I’ve heard it all about my hair. AND I’m a multi-racial Black woman, as is Chase Infiniti. The racist responses to mono-racial Black women are even more stark. In a society where whiteness is framed as the norm, frizz is seen as the enemy and the racist implications of that have been felt for generations of Black women.

The words we use with our little Black girls have a profound impact on how they view themselves, their bodies, their hair and their sense of place in this world. What some may see as flippant comments can actually be super harmful.

Conversation Helpers

We’re big fans of using culture to teach our kids important lessons on anti-racism so here are some conversation helpers to spark a convo with your kid about Black hair using the Oscars red carpet comment.

• “Last night, at the Oscars, someone used the word “undone” to describe a Black woman’s hair. That word may seem innocent but it actually is part of a long history of people trying to make Black culture feel out of place in society.”

• “What do you think are some other words that could have been used to describe the woman’s hair?”

• “What words do you think can help a Black woman or girl feel powerful in their skin?”

• “What words do you think can actually be unkind and not helpful when talking about Black hair?”

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Talking to all children about the power of Blackness in culture can both reflect their own greatness for our Black kiddos, and teach all kids that everyone has the right to be themselves fully in every setting in society.

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That’s it from us for today. Enjoy your week and try to get some fresh air, okay?

Tabitha

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Okay! The good news first! Antiracist parenting can:

1. Help you raise compassionate, justice-minded, smart kids who develop a lens on equity that will be instrumental in every area of their lives as kids and as adults. Our son sometimes comes home from school and is able to identify racist things he has heard. In contrast, we also hear from adults, grown folks, who witness racism in front of their very eyes and cannot identify it for what it is. They stumble. They excuse. The more kids are educated on antiracism, the more they take that knowledge and apply it to their lives now and into adulthood.

2. Lead you to a community of parents, educators and caregivers who actually care about this earth, its inhabitants and our shared future. Folks who want to co-create a world where all our kids are treated with love, respect and kindness. Whether that community is in-person or whether it’s this little space we have here on Substack, we’ve witnessed firsthand that this community can lift us up as we learn and grow from each other.

3. Help you, the parent, develop an antiracist lens. You’ll be able to identify inequity around you, which is the first step to actually doing something about it. We’ll be really honest with you. It is virtually impossible to go through the process of raising antiracist kids without the journey impacting you as well. For instance, it takes mental work to break down big concepts like white supremacy and fascism to kids and that requires us adults to be clear on what we mean when we use those words. That’s part of the learning for us, too.

4. Change the expectations you have for your community. You’ll have an eye on the books in your local library and your kid’s class library. This work will support you in having conversations about what diversity really is and why token diversity is actually pretty harmful (more on that in another article). You’ll start to question the equity on your local playground. And, hopefully, you’ll find local organizations to support who already do this work.

5. Make you less tolerant of injustice because it’s the world our kids are inheriting. You’re probably already marching and writing letters to lawmakers and putting every bit of privilege you have on the line. The more antiracist parenting work you do, the more action-oriented you’ll become when you realize that all of us have a role to play in building the equitable community our kids deserve.

With that being said 🙂

We want to be super honest with you about what antiracist parenting won’t do. Specifically we want to be kindly and ever so gently blunt about the realities of being a part of this community. Antiracist parenting won’t:

1. Automatically raise antiracist kids. Though we do have a framework of 6 Building Blocks of Antiracist Parenting that we recommend, there is no magic formula or ratio that will pop out antiracist kids. And dare we say that anyone who tells you otherwise is not being truthful. Every kid is different. Every family is different. Every parent is different. We each bring so much into this work. The path to raising antiracist kids is not linear and it takes constant re-evaluation of what’s landing and not landing for each individual child.

2. Let us off the hook for our own individual antiracist journey. As adults, it’s still on us to look inward to tackle our inner biases and racisms. It’s still on us to work on dismantling racism on interpersonal and systemic levels. And though we’ve heard from so many that antiracist parenting work can be a beginning step for adult newcomers (like grandparents), the work must deepen for us. And that goes for all of us, even those of us who have been doing this work for a long time. There are always biases that need unpacking and areas of sensitivity that need examining.

3. Leave us comfortable. This work is hard. We’re not even going to sugarcoat it for you. Unpacking one’s privilege is hard. Watching your child face racism is heartbreaking. Hearing your kiddo notice racism for the first time is difficult. What antiracist parenting will do, though, is equip you with the tools to feel more prepared to guide your kids on an antiracist journey with conversation starters, resources, tools and more.

4. Leave us thinking that learning is the only part of this that is important. Antiracism is action-oriented. Being a continuous student of antiracism is necessary for us adults BUT it’s imperative that those learnings translate into action in one’s community, nationally and/or globally. So find local community, use your voices, privilege and positionality and keep at it constantly.

5. Keep us in a bubble. Here’s the reality. Everything is related to racism. Yes, we stand by that statement. Racism exists in the healthcare system, in our neighbourhoods, in politics, in sports, in our schools, in our friendships, on the playground…you get the point. If you pay attention to what is happening locally, nationally and globally, it starts to become really obvious the role race and racism play, especially as it intersects with privilege, socio-economics, gender, immigration, and more. Being antiracist, teaching our kids about antiracism means staying abreast to what is happening and seeking out ways to dismantle racist systems on the macro and micro levels. For many of us, our very existence is politicized by those in power so staying in the know remains a matter of survival. And in this moment in history, all of us are in danger because of the fascist in the White House and his enablers.

Antiracist parenting is hard. Parenting under fascism is hard. Parenting kids of color, kids of the global majority is hard. But you’re here with us and having community makes it all a bit easier.

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So don’t be shy about commenting, sending us an email about a topic you want to see us write about, or simply sending a note of frustration when the going gets tough. We’re in this with you and please know many other people are, too.

That’s it for us for today. Stay grounded and connect with your kiddo a bit today, okay? See you again, soon.

Tabitha & Adam

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Tabitha here: I had one of those precious moments hearing Ashanti Branch speak at the Marketing to Men Summit in New York City. Ashanti Branch, Founder and Executive Director of the Ever Forward Club, is a leader in youth mental health and education reform with 20+ years helping schools build safer, more connected communities. A 2023 U.S. Surgeon General Medallion recipient, 4x TEDx speaker, podcaster, and Fulbright Fellow, he champions healing and authenticity through workshops, media, and storytelling. When I heard Ashanti speak about healthy masculinity, his clarity, his work and his powerful presence were notable and I was left with a profound feeling that I needed to shift some of the ways I was parenting our son.

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Adam here: We’re parents to a young boy that we’re raising in the age of social media, toxic masculinity, and the impact of folks like Charlie Kirk. He’s being raised during a time when trad wives are being framed as the response to feminism, where white supremacy seeks to teach young men-particularly young white men- that they’re owed something by society and they have a right to be resentful against women and people of color when their expectations don’t get met. So when Tabitha met Ashanti, we knew we had to have him on the Raising Anti-racist Kids podcast to talk about the intersection between healthy masculinity and antiracist parenting.

Take a listen to the episode and hear Ashanti talk about his upbringing by a single mother, his career pivot to education, and a simple but powerful tool he uses to help boys and young men get in touch with their emotions.

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Some links to check out:

• Million Mask Movement

• Ever Forward Club

• Branch Speaks

• unMASKing with Male Educators: Creating Emotionally Safe Classrooms & Schools for Male Students

Thanks so much for listening. Let us know what’s coming up for you after you listen. Love up on your kids and enjoy your week, okay?

Tabitha & Adam

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Listen to the episode HERE.

I chatted with the host Elise Hu about how parents and kids are processing this moment in history and particularly how to talk with kids about it. It’s a rich episode with lots of tips and a bit about how it’s relevant to my work at Women’s March.

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Here are 5 things you may not know about this episode:

1. The Kids Co. has really great introduction books for many tough topics facing kids. We’ve loved their books on a wide range of topics from divorce to long-term care. If you’re looking for simple, direct, introductory books for your kids, check them out.

2. One of my favorite things to do is talk about liberation work and kids. Because of my dedication to collective liberation and to the future of our kids, I love sharing about it with anyone who will listen. So whether it’s in my DMs or on social media or on a podcast, I want to be in conversation with others because the goal is for us to build a world for our kids that is better than the one we’re living in. One centered on justice, collective freedom and equity.

3. This might come as a surprise because of my line of work but I am very wary of being interviewed. I’ve done one or two interviews where my words were misconstrued and misinterpreted. I’m also always learning and growing (as we all should be) and interviews are time capsules of my perspectives at that given point in time which could shift and change. So I accept invitations from people whose bodies of work I trust and who respect the gravity of the work Adam and I do, such as A Kids Co. AND this is also not about me. The work is bigger than my discomfort and it needs voices who can share openly about the need for us to involve our kids in our protest work. So I’m here for it.

4. Although this podcast episode focused on protesting with kids, I didn’t get a chance to bring in the importance of protesting even when some of our allies in the movement may shy away from it, like protests in support of Palestinian liberation. Teaching kids about political protest is important AND it’s also important to teach them about movements that are currently facing immense opposition from every lever of power, even on the left. Adam and I have been talking with our kids and taking them to protests in support of Palestine since they were super young. I remember taking them to a protest in Bay Ridge in New York City when our daughter was a wee thing. It didn’t get major coverage in the news and that’s why it was even more necessary for us to show up. We must teach kids that all of our liberation is interconnected and we should use our voices and our power wherever we can.

5. I filmed this episode at 10pm so I was super exhausted. My schedule is tight and I never know what my life is going to look like too far into the future. I also tend to work wild hours to accommodate my kids’ schedules. Though I was exhausted, once the convo got started, the topic and questions really gave me a jolt of energy and I forgot the time, my kids asleep in the next room and all else.

That’s it from me for today. Listen to the episode and let me know what you think. Sending love to you all. Take care and be safe, okay?

Tabitha

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Wired Magazine notes that, “Over 70,000 people are in detention as of January 25, according to the most recent available data from Syracuse University’s Transactional Records Access Clearinghouse.” This includes children who are still in ICE detention, as many as 170 kids per day at times. The impact on children is devastating.

As parents of two kids, and just as humans, this is gut wrenching and horrific.

As we’ve said many many times before, it’s on us to talk with our kids about this in an age-appropriate and kid-appropriate way.

But how can we actually do that?

The Brooklyn Public Library, one of our favorite institutions, put together some resources for doing just that and we’re sharing these resources with you.

You’ll find:

➠ Conversation Starters

➠ Kids Book Recommendations

➠ Resources for Impacted Families

➠ Resources for Families in Solidarity with Impacted Families

➠ And more…

Resources: Talking With Kids About ICE

We got the chance to chat with Jessica Ralli, Brooklyn Public Library’s Manager of Early Literacy Programs and Special Initiatives, who led the compilation of these invaluable resources.

Raising Antiracist Kids: What led you to compile this list of resources?

Jessica: I initially received an email from an educator who regularly attends our workshops, asking for resources on how to talk with young children about ICE. As I began gathering materials and drafting a response, it became clear that this information would be useful to more than one person. I reached out to our children’s librarians, as well as our Outreach and Immigrant Services team, to help identify books, ideas, and trusted resources. There is a great deal of thoughtful information already being shared out in the world, and one of the key roles libraries can play is researching, organizing, and presenting that information in ways that are accessible, trustworthy, and easy for families and educators to navigate.

RAK: What is the most important takeaway for parents reading this list?

Jessica: The most important takeaway really depends on each family’s circumstances, but one message I hope parents and caregivers come away with is that children notice and understand more than we often realize. When something is happening in our communities, it can show up in children’s feelings, questions, and fears. Talking with children in age-appropriate, thoughtful ways can help them make sense of what they’re noticing, and silence isn’t always protective. It’s also important to recognize that being able to ignore what’s happening is a form of privilege and is a choice that many families don’t have right now.

RAK: What is one hope you have for immigrant families when they see this resource?

Jessica: I hope immigrant families see this resource and feel supported, and know that the library is for them, and always will be. I want them to know that there are people at the library who are working every day to celebrate, welcome, and stand with immigrant communities. And if it doesn’t feel safe to come into the library right now, I hope they still know that we are here for them, and are constantly trying to think of new, better ways we can be here for them.

RAK: What is one thing all families can do to support their community right now?

Jessica: One resource we shared is Hands Off NYC Families. They are organizing families, parents, and educators in school communities to protect and support impacted families. If you’re in NYC, I would say start there. If not, I would look at their resources and see if you can do something similar in your community. Other than that, start talking, sharing, and connecting. Now is not the time to be silent.

That’s it from us for today, folks. If you found any of this helpful, drop a note to let us know.

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As isolating as parenting can feel at times, please know we’ve got each other. They want us separated, fearful and inactive. We’re refusing that. Even when us parents are afraid, even when we don’t have all the right words and answers for our kiddos, we’re still determined to raise a generation that won’t repeat the mistakes of the past, who are kinder, more compassionate and just plain decent human beings.

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We’re sending care to you and hoping you get a bit of respite this weekend.

Tabitha & Adam

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Last night, Bad Bunny hosted a bashment and invited the entire world to join. He delivered an outstandingly resonant and timely performance that offered healing to so many of us in ways that are indescribable.

It was brilliant in its use of symbolism and allegory, building off of the storytelling Kendrick Lamar gave us last year. The celebration of culture, the little and big bits of significance (did you catch the ever present kid asleep in a corner of every Caribbean hang out?), the food, the sugarcane fields, the dancing, the many skin tones, the people in the corner braiding hair, the celebration of queerness! All of it was a balm in these truly troublesome times.

There was a football game on the side, too, but Adam can tell you more about that once he is done sulking that Sam Darnold wasn’t leading the Minnesota Vikings. That’s for another time.

This morning, I was watching some clips from Benito’s performance and our 6-year-old daughter walked up and asked me, “What’s that?”

I happened to be watching a clip of Bad Bunny handing a little boy a Grammy award. Whether this scene represented Benito himself as a child or Liam Ramos or the dreams of millions of other immigrant children, centering childhood was profound. So many immigrant children have had their innocence robbed because of ICE’s attacks on our families and this scene almost brought me to tears. Many parents are always trying to find the right balance between being truthful with kids and protecting them. For immigrant children and us immigrant parents, this choice is so much harder. Immigrant families need to have conversations about ICE with kids as a matter of safety and preparedness. And that is heartbreaking.

So I shared some simple words with my young child, some of which I want to share with you, in addition to more pointers on how to chat with kids about this. In our home, we strongly believe in using cultural moments to teach kids about social justice. This is their childhood, their growth, their development and culture happens both as a backdrop to and an influence on that. As always, I struggled internally with how to share honestly with my young daughter without scaring her. I hope my words helped answer her question, educated her a bit and also piqued her curiosity.

CONVERSATIONS WITH KIDS

• “This little boy can represent Liam Ramos. Liam and his dad were taken by ICE because of racism against Black and Brown immigrants.”

• “He’s back home now because a lot of people used their voices to get loud and say that is not ok.”

• “He could also be like other kids who are immigrants, often with brown skin like yours.”

• “In this video, Bad Bunny is maybe reminding all kids, especially Black and Brown kids, that even when you’re scared and unsure of what’s going to happen, there are always people who want to help you.”

• “There are always people who will love you and celebrate you because you are you.”

CONVERSATION NOTES FOR ADULTS

Here are some notes for you, as the adult, to remember as you use this video and script to open up a conversation with your little one:

1. Liam and his dad were taken by ICE not because they are immigrants. They were targeted because of systems of xenophobia and racism from those in charge of our country. We should never accept the narrative that who we are is the reason for hate. We should always lay the blame for hate squarely at the feet of those with power, and destructive systems.

2. These attacks are particularly against Black and Brown immigrants. Though some white immigrants are also being affected, the vast majority of those impacted are Black and Brown. These attacks are steeped in a toxic mix of xenophobia and racism (I simplified it for my daughter but I plan to come back to this conversation with her to delve in deeper).

3. I reminded my daughter that Liam is home now because I know the next question was going to be if Liam was okay. Do I know if Liam is okay? Though I know he is alive, he will likely be emotionally affected by this experience for a long time. And it’s not over for Liam and his family. Their case is still ongoing and the threat of deportation still lurks for them. As an adult, that breaks me. It also devastates me that lots of children are still being detained by ICE and are not free today.

4. I tried to help her see that everyday people have power and that using your voice can be powerful, even if you’re a kid. We have been to protests and we follow what is happening in cities like Minneapolis and Chicago, so she has some understanding of people power already.

5. I know that this topic might be scary for her so I reminded her that feeling scared is understandable. It makes sense to be scared. A lot of us adults are scared.

6. I added in love. Because ultimately, love centers the work we do and drives us forward in our parenting.

The Super Bowl Halftime show was more than entertainment. It was a bold declaration of the impact of the Caribbean (did you see the Trinbagonian flag??), of immigrants, of children, of culture and of what truly contributes to a great America. And today, we’re basking in the afterglow of that statement.

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That’s it from us for today. Stay safe and warm. Love up on your kids and take some time to do something healing for you, too, okay?

Tabitha & Adam

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For us parents, it’s imperative that we find ways to talk with our kids about the realities of this time. We need tools to help us have honest discussions and we found a book that can support you with doing just that. If you’re looking for one single book that can invite and open discussions with children about immigrants, people who are undocumented and organizing work, invest in this one.

Our 11 year old son said, “I don’t know if I should like this book but it’s very informative.”

Undocumented, A Worker’s Fight by Duncan Tonatiuh is a must-read for parents and kids.

The foldout design of this kids book coupled with powerful illustrations bring the lessons to life in a way that is timely for us all.

During these dreadful times, us parents need all the help we can get in finding a balance between keeping our kiddos informed and protecting their childhoods. This book presents the learnings in ways that do just that.

PARENT RESOURCES

We’ve said many times before that it’s ultimately up to parents/caregivers on whether to take children to protests. But that doesn’t mean that us parents can’t protest without our kiddos. Especially if you hold privilege, you’re needed now more than ever. Here are some tips to support you.

• How to prepare for a protest with Kalaya’an Mendoza, a renowned expert on protest safety.

• If you’re at a protest, here’s how to tell if the situation is escalating.

FAMILY RESOURCES

• If you can’t protest, boycott. Start with these businesses.

• If you can’t abstain from work and school on days of national walkouts, do these things to show solidarity.

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We promised to be brief today so we’re going to end here. Remember that we ultimately keep each other safe. Community is the antidote to fear. Find a few people in your network to talk with, organize with and laugh with. We have each other and they can’t take that away from us.

Give your kid a hug if they allow you, okay?

Tabitha & Adam

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How else can we take action with our kiddos during these times?

Over the last weeks/months we’ve watched with a mixture of horror and anger as rights and freedoms that have been fought for and won over history are dismantled. It’s been especially striking to witness the escalation of fascist attacks on immigrants by ICE in communities that we hold dear.

Talking with our oldest child about this has been painful and devastating but we’ve found it necessary to help keep him grounded and informed. Our older kids are discussing these attacks with their friends at school so it really is best for us to be their #1 source of factual information.

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Tabitha here: I’ve been chin-deep in helping organize the #FreeAmerica Walkouts that will be happening tomorrow, January 20 at 2pm local time. This is part of a huge effort to fight back against fascism and to share our collective outrage. So far, over 730 events are happening across the country (and a handful across the world) with thousands of people confirmed to walk out of work, school and commerce. It’s been exhausting but deeply necessary work as we fight for our freedoms. We’re showing them that the power of the people is unstoppable.

Adam here: We often do organizing work that doesn’t reach this newsletter because of the varying levels of risk for children. While we encourage age-appropriate and kid-appropriate conversations to keep kids informed on a wide range of topics, some social justice actions can be unpredictable and it’s always up to parents to assess the risk of bringing kids along. The #FreeAmerica Walkout is for all ages. It’s an action that is especially great for families because parents can plan walkouts with their kids and communities and design a kid-appropriate action. I’m walking out especially to be in solidarity with the people resisting ICE’s attempted takeover of my hometown of Minneapolis.

Here is some information for you to know about this walkout.

WHAT:

The #FreeAmerica Walkout. Find more information at freeameri.ca.

WHEN:

January 20, 2026, 2pm local time

WHERE:

There are actions in all 50 states and even a few globally. Find one near you here. Don’t see one? You can host your own walkout here. Every person walking/rolling out makes a statement and contributes to the whole impact, even if you have 2-3 people walking out of business as usual.

WHY:

Our families are facing escalating threats all around us, from attacks from ICE, attacks on our trans siblings and children, attacks on education and troops occupying our cities. We cannot allow business as usual. We need to walk out of school, work and commerce to send a clear message that this is a protest and a promise. In the face of fascism, we will dissent.

CONVERSATION POINTERS when talking with younger kids:

• “On Tuesday at 2pm, people are walking out of school and work, and pausing shopping to show our power.”

• “When we take a step back from how things usually are, we send a strong message.”

• “That message is that we won’t stop fighting until all of us are safe and have what we need.”

• “It’s important that we take part in this action because we’re a part of our community. Fighting for our safety and the safety of our neighbours is part of what being a community member is all about. When we care about our community, we join with others to make our voices heard.”

RESOURCES when talking with older kids:

• The history of walkouts

• Why walkouts are used as a strategy

• What to do if you cannot walk out

During this time, it’s important for us parents to find a balance between helping our kids feel safe and seen, and bringing them into movements whenever and wherever possible. This Tuesday, we’re walking out for the country we want our little ones to inherit. A place where we are all free.

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That’s it from us for now. Take good care and love up on your kids, okay?

Tabitha & Adam

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If you’re a parent or caregiver, these last few days of the year may be a blur of blissfully lazy mornings, slightly dysregulated kids who are trying to adjust to holiday schedules, and maybe a dose of disorientation for us adults, too, as we try to maneuver big expectations for 2026.

It’s hard to reflect on 2025. So much–our work in antiracism and equity, our communities, our world–have been under attack. Wherever you’re landing at the end of 2025, whatever you did to survive the tumult, we know we have to keep fighting. Even if it’s only because we believe that a more equitable, safer world is possible for us and our kids, we gotta keep at it. We’re about to come out on the other end of 2025, and though we don’t know what 2026 will have in store for us, it’s a big accomplishment that we made it through.

Tabitha here: Adam and I aim to provide relevant and engaging antiracist parenting resources and we also want to offer hope in these times. We want you to read our Substack and come away feeling empowered, ready and driven to action for the work ahead.

Some of our work this year resonated with folks in ways we didn’t expect. So we’re sharing the top 5 stories of 2025 that people read, shared, interacted with and told us they learned from the most.

Our 5 Most Read Stories of 2025

1. Part 1: Endurance & Action: Hope for Parents during Trumpism

Tabitha here: Some of our most read stories of 2025 were from the series Parenting Under Facism, and within the series, the piece that resonated the most with folks was the one on hope. We completely understand that–we all need a good dose of hope. One of my besties regularly, like obsessively, feeds me hope. And it is like little infusions of mental and emotional nourishment that I need to keep going. If this article did that for you, we’re honored to be able to contribute to what keeps you moving forward.

2. Part 2: 6 Groundings For Parenting Under Fascism

Adam here: In the midst of it all, we need to try to be grounded as parents. Regulated parents create regulation for kids. That’s not to say that Tabitha and I don’t lose our cool sometimes. We’re all human. But creating practices that help us stay grounded, regulated and calm during these dreadful times can have a profound impact on our kids’ childhoods and allow us the space to dream of a better future.

3. Tabitha & Dr. Ibram X. Kendi In Conversation: In-Person Event

Tabitha here: Being in conversation with Dr. Kendi was a highlight of the year. It was a powerful discussion about his new young adult biography of Malcolm X, and it also provided some insights and parallels into the current state of matters in the U.S. It was wonderful to see a packed house, and many people left feeling encouraged, emboldened and hopeful for the work ahead.

4. The Do’s and Dont’s of Protesting With Kids: PART 1

Tabitha here: Right after the Kick Out the Clowns action earlier this year, someone online asked about setting up bouncy castles to keep kids engaged at a protest. That led us to consider some realistic ways parents and caregivers can protest with kids, using these protest actions to engage in important conversations and community building while raising their voices against inequity. Parents need to make hard decisions about safety for our kiddos all the time and that’s even more important in protest settings.

5. The Dos and Dont’s of Talking With Kids About Colonization

Adam here: So many of us live in countries that have colonized others. Not just in the past but in the present as well. It serves no-one to hide these facts from our kids and to sugarcoat holidays that do more harm than good to our communities. Many parents found this article useful especially during family gatherings in November.

Tabitha’s Favorite 2025 TikToks

We also want to share with you some of Tabitha’s favorite TikToks of 2025, because lots of community building happens over there as well.

1. 4 Truths No-one Will Tell You About Parenting Under Fascism

2. Things We Teach Our Kids

3. Miss Rachel in conversation with Glamour Magazine

4. 4 Anti-Fascist Lessons I’m Taking Into 2026

5. And last but not least, a little hope for us folks trying to parent through fascism

Our Podcast is Growing!

We were also super excited to have begun to host interviews on our podcast, The Raising Antiracist Kids Podcast. This year, we spoke with Andrew Lefkowits and Dr. Val Brown from the Integrated Schools Podcast, as well as Ailen Arreaza from ParentsTogether. Stay tuned for our next conversation on the intersection of toxic masculinity and white supremacy.

As we wrap up 2025, know that we are in this community with you.

We’re all trying to raise kids who are kind, justice-oriented, confident people who help their communities in a healthy, generative way. And some parents are doing it amidst scary and dangerous circumstances. But you don’t have to do it alone. We’ve here with you and so are many other parents and caregivers around the world.

Here are some questions to ask yourself and your kids as we move into 2026:

1. What is one of my 2025 antiracist parenting practices that I am proud of?

2. What are three habits I will use to keep myself grounded in 2026?

3. Who are (at least) three people I will build community with/keep engaged with in 2026?

4. Where are some places I will look to get accurate news from a wide range of sources in the new year?

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Hug up on your little ones, and stay hopeful! Happy New Year to you and yours and we’ll see you on the flip side.

xo

Tabitha & Adam

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The art of breaking down big concepts into kid-appropriate language that kids actually understand is necessary whether you’re talking about why there’s no white history month or whether you’re teaching your little kiddo about pronouns. For kids, these conversations aren’t hard because they’re already focused on what’s fair and equitable in their own little worlds. For us adults, though, it’s helpful for us to use language and techniques that reach kids where they’re at.

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We always describe our antiracist parenting work as a journey. Sometimes we need to go to other parents to learn about how others are maneuvering raising kind, empathetic, justice-oriented children. So naturally, we wanted to chat with Ailen Arreaza, the co-founder and executive director of ParentsTogether, an organization that really gets it right with teaching us parents and caregivers how to talk with kids about just about anything.

If you’re curious about how to have big convos with little kiddos and are looking for 3 direct steps on how to do this, plus a host of other really powerful guidance, take a listen. Here’s a little teaser for you:

If you’re looking for more information on ParentsTogether, check out their:

Instagram

Website

That’s it for us for today, friends.

Thanks so much for being on this journey with us. Take good care of yourself and your kiddos and let us know how this episode landed for you, okay?

Tabitha & Adam

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