Hi!
If this is the first email you’re receiving from us, welcome and thank you for being here.
Last week, we shared PART 1 in our series on parenting under fascism. Many of you responded that it helped so much to hear that you’re not alone. We’re glad to know that together, we can keep this slice of the internet centered around justice, equity, and joy for all.
This moment in history calls for a reminder of why we’re here.
We’re here because we love our kids AND we love ALL kids.
We want to help raise bold changemakers, unafraid of fusing antiracism and justice in their lives now and for the future.
We’re here because we’re building a future different from this one and we know that parenting is one of the starting points for just that.
We’re here because ALL children deserve safety, joy, education and love, including transgender children, immigrant children and undocumented children.
Yesterday, they signed an executive order attempting to ban transgender women and girls from playing on women’s and girls’ teams. Just last week, this administration signed an executive order concerning teaching Critical Race Theory in K-12 schools (newsflash: when last we checked, no K-12 school is teaching CRT. It is done on a collegiate and postgraduate level–have you ever tried to talk to a 5-year-old about systemic inequities through a legal and political framework?). Interpretation of this Executive Order is unclear but we know that they have used CRT as a catch-all for any antiracist or equity-centered education. Antiracism and equity-centered education should be taught to children of any age. The need for children to learn about themselves in relation to their race, ethnicity, privilege and power is still very urgent. They can attempt to undercut these conversations in schools, but they cannot undo children’s inquisitive nature and their ability to observe unequal treatment in the world around them. They cannot stop us parents from raising antiracist children who are critical thinkers and world changers. (To learn more about the weaponization of “CRT” and what parents can do about it, read this article Tabitha wrote in 2021).
We can’t parent in a bubble. Our kids are existing under the reality of a fascist regime.
So, amid the chaos and uncertainty, how can we stay grounded in our power and values? How do we adjust our parenting to meet the demands of the moment and continue to raise them right?
There is no step-by-step, one-size-fits-all solution, but we offer to you 6 lessons that are grounding us in this moment.
Apolitical parenting is out. Radical parenting is in.
We have absolutely no judgement to dish out if you’ve kept your kids out of the fray of the last election season. Depending on the age of your kid and their own cognitive and emotional abilities, you may have made the decision to keep them on the sidelines of the political chaos of the past few months. We get it BUT that needs to change and this can be done in a manner that educates and empowers our kids, not scares them. We’re here to tell you that none of us have the privilege of being complacent. We need to educate our children about life under this administration. Many of us will be directly affected by these injustices. Our children are already being affected. This administration has given ICE permission to go into schools. They’re working hard at creating a culture that demonizes diversity, equity and inclusion. They’ve been trying to ban transgender women and girls from playing sports on women’s and girls’ teams. If our kids aren’t directly affected by these atrocities, we’re either raising our children to be allies or to be complicit. That seems extremely binary and few things in life really are. But if the kids of undocumented immigrants and those with temporary status have to be educated about what to do if ICE shows up, then we are teaching our two kids how to react in the same situation, in a way that they can both comprehend and use to take action. If not, their ignorance is a privilege. This administration’s fascism has already emboldened so many to target queer people, to be cruel to trans children who simply want to live their lives in peace. How will our kids react in these situations? It’s important to equip our kids with the tools they need. Find an approach that best suits your child’s cognitive and emotional development and approach it with grace, love and maybe a dash of joy (we will continue to share ideas on HOW to do this later on in this series).
Antiracist parenting starts with us.
If you’re bristling at the very idea that our children can be targeted in their schools and homes and that our families might need to unite against injustice, it might be time for you to also delve a little deeper into your learning. Again, we have absolutely no judgement for the practices parents need to employ to safeguard our mental health. The last thing Adam and I want to do after wrestling two kids into pajamas and into bed is to sit with more awful news for the night. Some people who are reading this may view these new laws and policies as simply depressing. Others are finding them extremely terrifying. Others are being driven to change their lives and their children’s daily lives to try to keep safe. If this is the reality for some, it must be considered by all. It is no longer okay to stay misinformed or uninformed. Getting one’s news on social media alone is not the pathway under a fascist regime where the owners of these platforms are in Trump’s inner circle. It’s time to get discerning and intentional in our parenting if we are to come out on the other side of this. Find news sources you can rely on for facts (our imperfect go-tos are NPR and Democracy Now). Fact-check everything (recognizing that the executive orders and attacks on our communities are moving so fast even fact-checking is imperfect). Be mindful of where you put your energies online and offline. They want us worn out and in distress. Resist the urge to respond to everything, but be prepared to respond to some things.
Now is a good time to teach kids how to object.
This one is especially hard for us parents because many of our kids go to schools where order and discipline reign supreme. If they don’t do their homework a certain number of times, they get detention. If they come late too many times, a letter gets sent home. Our kids may be part of systems that require them to obey (we’ll unpack that another time). And, if you’re a parent who needs your kid to stay in said school because of financial reasons or other reasons, that’s a reality. But there is space in the middle where we can teach our kids to be discerning and to trust that little (or BIG!) feeling in their tummies that tells them something ain’t right. This is not as hard as you’d think. Talk to most kindergarteners about school (if they go to one with other kids) and they can tell you who wasn’t being fair and who wasn’t sharing and who wasn’t being kind. Kids know what unfairness looks like. Us parents can teach them what unfairness looks like when it is coming from those in power and, if they have privilege, to speak up or to tell a trusted adult if they can’t speak up.
(side note, we sent a note to our children’s principal and the district superintendent asking for their plan if ICE comes to the school. You can do the same. Let them know that your community is looking out for everyone)
Find a political home in your community for you and your kids.
You’re not in this parenting journey alone. You’re not in this fight with just you and your little ones. We’re here with you every step of the way and so are thousands of other parents across the country.A political home can be in-person, but it can also be a digital home. What’s important is to remember that we’re not in this alone, and we can use each other as sounding boards and accountability friends when things get especially tough.
Many people questioned why we were organizing The People’s March after the election had already been decided. “Why didn’t you march before?” they asked (we did!). In the glaring face of injustice and fascism, it is important to be in community. 100,000 people came together in D.C. on January 18 and it felt like family because we were so relieved to see others who had traveled from far and near to make it known that they oppose Trumpism and this administration’s desire to create chaos, hate and divisiveness. It was so necessary to hug people, to hold each other, to feel the presence of others. Over 20 organizations with information tables were present and offered ways to get involved, and not just let people’s activism end on that day.
Whether it be an organization taking action like Women’s March or a community center fighting injustice locally, get tapped in and find your place. Every one of us has one.
Find your joy, model it for your kids and infuse it into your home life AND your activism.
All my coping skills, all the things that bring ease to my soul just did not do their magic the week of the inauguration. I spent the entire week dysregulated in my body, exhausted and ill-equipped for every bit of distressing news that dropped.
Don’t be me. Find care practices for yourself and your family that help you deal with the ongoing trauma of this administration. As an immigrant and as a child of immigrants, I found this Emotional Freedom Tapping Technique from Dra. Hernández, a bilingual therapist, to be super helpful.
Plan ahead and seize your joy firmly and unapologetically. The next few years will be relentless. Fascism is designed to thrive within the exhausted inaction of the masses. Don’t let it. Pace yourself and your kids. Care for each other. Schedule in joy for your family. Take time to be off screens and to breathe in fresh air, if that is possible. Joy can be an act of revolution. Claim it while you do the necessary work. Joy and action can co-exist. And again, there are no binaries. Claiming your joy doesn’t mean ignoring reality. It means pacing yourself so you are able to get the energy and fuel you need to be discerning for the fight ahead.
We’ve also been trying to meet the kids where they are. That has meant telling bedtime stories about Hello Kitty and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. working together to desegregate schools. It’s all about connecting and building trust with kids, sprinkling in joy.
6. Take action and not only when injustice reaches your doorstep.
Now, more than ever, find ways to take action. These can be small things like writing a letter to the editor with your kids or it can be bigger like getting a group together to plan a protest. Now is not the moment for apathy or inaction. Yes, we’re scared. Yes, we are living through terrifying times. But it is possible to take action even through the fear. And it’s especially important to do this even when we’re not directly impacted.
I always bristle at the idea that we have to identify with someone in order to advocate for their rights. We fight for justice because everyone deserves the right to be safe, to thrive and to find joy. If you’re privileged enough to not be in the direct line of the current attacks on democracy, find ways to use that privilege to defend and fight for those who are. And don’t do it because you and your kids might be next. Do it because we are building a world of care, compassion and love for ALL.
So…what now?
Here are two pathways to action:
The powerful women behind FEMINIST compiled a host of volunteer opportunities according to issue areas in The People’s Toolkit. Get into it, find a political home and get to work.
The Immigration Legal Resource Center provides Red Cards that you can print and distribute. These cards share resources on what to do if ICE is encountered. See instructions on how to use them here (in 3 clear graphics).
What We’re Reading:
Our friend and longtime organizer, Justin Ruben, wrote a powerful piece called Six Rules for Defeating a Shock-and-awe Strategy: Stay S.T.R.O.N.G. I literally read this every time I feel myself getting overwhelmed or exhausted. It’s vital reading for all organizers but I also found it useful as a parent trying to figure out what on earth to say to my kids.
It’s about to be a long 4 (plus?) years and it’s going to take everything we have to fight for the country our children deserve. But we’re used to being our children’s advocates. The fight is different but you’ve got it in you. And we will be here cheering us all on.
That’s it from us for today. Take good care of yourself and hug your kids if they’re ok with it. Try to find connection with a trusted person today. Stay safe. We’re in this together.
Tabitha & Adam
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