Grounded Kids: Mindfulness as a Resistance Tool

Especially for Black kids, mindfulness can be healing.

Hi there!

We don’t know about y’all but sometimes the day-to-day seems really overwhelming and just unreasonably hard for us parents who want to raise kids with values of equity and justice. There are the big picture actions we talk about, like the 6 Building Blocks of Antiracist Parenting, that give us a framework and guide for this journey as we’re in it for the long haul. And then there are the little things that can really help us and our kids get through each day.

In this email, we’re going to talk about the latter and we’re going to provide some actionable tips to make the day-to-day more manageable.

Tabitha here: My therapist recommended a new practice of starting my day with breath-work. I told her that both kids come into our bed in the morning and, though I love that for their start to the day, it’s a bit rough for me to get 5 minutes to breathe with two kids literally on top of me. I had this vision of getting them to leave the room and having a completely quiet moment to myself. That isn’t a reality in the mornings for us so I started doing breath-work with them in bed with me. It has started to really ground me at the top of the day and helps set the tone for the level of mindfulness I need, even as I read the news and feel frustration and anger at the injustices around us, particularly to folks of the global majority. It also shows the kids the importance of being in touch with ourselves and grounding our bodies in order to take on all the crap the world is throwing at us.

As Black multiracial people, it’s imperative that the kids and I find ways to take care of ourselves in a society and world that seeks to diminish and devalue us constantly. When we teach our kiddos practices that help them deepen their sense of self and support their emotional wellbeing, they’re more equipped when white supremacy rears its ugly head, to know that it really has nothing to do with them. It has to do with external factors made up by others who seek power and supremacy. And they’re more ready to tap into their toolkit of care when us parents actually help them develop skills on a consistent basis.

Adam here: Through subtle and not so subtle ways, I have been taught that as men, we cannot and should not express our feelings and be in touch with our own needs. As much as I try to counter the negative effects of toxic masculinity, it still finds ways to creep in and inevitably shows up in my parenting. So I’m always looking for ways to connect with myself and also to demonstrate to the kids how this is beneficial to their own wellbeing in the moment and beyond. Mindfulness can also be a pathway to emotional and psychological freedom, especially for boys who are taught that they must keep their emotions boxed in to project an image of what society perceives to be manhood. That can be very constricting and is simply not sustainable into adulthood.

Luckily, there are mental health experts who tackle just this: how us social justice parents can raise our kids surrounded by values of equity and liberation while caring for their minds and hearts.

To help guide us on this path, we chatted with Jor-El Caraballo, a Black licensed therapist, who is the author of the audiobook Meditations for Black Men as well as the cofounder of Viva, a multi-state mental health practice.

He has been featured as a mental health expert in many magazines and websites, including Mind Body Green, Men’s Health, Healthline, Insider, Self and more, to name a few. We interviewed Caraballo about the strategies we can use for us and our children as we maneuver this current reality in society. The tools he has designed are especially powerful because they interrupt misconceptions about Black men and Black boys as it pertains to mental health. Read on to learn some practical skills to help children develop and build their mindfulness muscle, even from young.

1) What is an introductory meditation tool that parents can use with very young children (5+)? And why is it necessary to teach young kids about meditation?

For very young children, I think parents can do well with simply helping kids become aware of their breath as a tool for emotional regulation. Yes, breathing is something most of us do automatically on our own, but when we are intentional about the breath, we usually breathe in a much deeper way that is healing for our systems. Simply connecting the idea of deep inhaling and exhaling can be a way that parents teach little children how to emotionally regulate and practice the art of slowing down. This can be especially helpful for young kids who don’t yet have the vocabulary to express their feelings well. With breathing, they can start to seek out calm with a breathing practice when they’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed. It’s really amazing to see young kids start to make the connection once they’re introduced to mindful breathing as a tool they can use.

3) How can Black fathers help infuse meditative practices into their parenting from young with their kids?

Black fathers have a lot of power in being a role model for their kids. When children are young, a simple practice of being in the ritual of meditation, like sitting and connecting with the breath, together can be powerful to teaching kids that it’s healthy to take these moments for themselves. Being able to do this with a parent helps cement the importance and helpfulness of practicing mindfulness.

4) We are currently under a slide into fascism in this country. There are real traumas facing so many everyday people, including Black men. Can you share how you see a meditation practice fitting into everyday life in the midst of so much chaos and uncertainty?

We are certainly facing the rise of fascism in our country, and across the globe, to be frank. I think it’s critical that Black men have practices that help us contend with that. What I appreciate about meditation and mindfulness is that they allow us to be in deep connection with ourselves, rather than the noise and pain of the outside world. When we practice we can experience moments of inner stillness and peace, whether we practice mindful breathing for 3 minutes or engage in a half hour meditation practice on connecting with our ancestors. I recommend any Black man take an honest look at where he can take a few minutes for himself to connect with his breath: before starting the day, in between meetings, or as part of a nighttime wind-down routine. I think those are all great places to fold in this kind of awareness.

5) Young Black boys face a toxic mix of racism and possibly harmful assumptions about manhood. How do you recommend parents use meditation to help young Black boys develop a sense of healthy masculinity?

I think that parents can use meditation to help Black boys address all that comes with the assumptions and stereotypes around manhood and masculinity. In my book, Meditations for Black Men, I offer a meditation about acknowledging those stereotypes and encouraging listeners to explore for themselves what about these ideas would be helpful to hold on to and which ones they can let go of. I think that every Black boy and man needs the freedom to answer the question of, “What does masculinity need to look like for to be my healthiest self?” Meditation offers a place to connect with and contemplate on that question.

6) You mentioned that growing up Black meant “preparing for the best but expecting the worst”. That reality is difficult to hold within the body on an ongoing basis. How do you recommend balancing that for Black parents?

“Preparing for the best but expecting the worst” is one of those phrases that we’ve had to adopt in the community in order to help us be physically and psychologically ready for whatever things we may encounter once we leave our homes. It is very difficult to hold this truth in our bodies. One of the things I love most about meditation is that it can help us sit with difficult ideas and feelings. When we practice the acceptance that comes with the acknowledgement of our inner experience, we gain some catharsis and relief. We get to release pressure from having to do something about those feelings in that moment. Mindfulness gives us the ability to recognize and be with our experience, but not always be compelled to “fix” it and that is incredibly helpful for us in maintaining our mental health in challenging times.

7) Meditation needs space in our lives for sure, but many parents are super busy and don’t have as much time for it. What is a good entry-point practice for parents to start to work on mindfulness? What is the impact of a mindful parent on their child?

What’s great about mindfulness is that you can make it a part of any moment. Washing the dishes? As you do, try and connect with how the water feels in your hands, the scent of the soap, and how the bubbles disappear as you move. The same can be said for mindfully enjoying your sip of your morning coffee. These are little moments of mindful presence! In any moment we can make use of mindfulness. We just have to be a little creative in doing so. Ultimately, when parents are able to be mindful and grounded the result is a more mindful and grounded home. There is less reactivity, more peace, and more compassion when parents adopt mindfulness as a lifestyle.

Whew! We really needed this reminder to be present, mindful and kind to ourselves today. And any practices that can lead to less reactivity in this moment in history is one we’re signing up for. For more info on Caraballo’s work, click here.

That’s all from us today. We hope you are able to find some small pieces of connection and care for yourself and can inspire that in your kiddos. We’re all needed in this resistance and we’re able to contribute with our full selves when we take care of our hearts and minds.

Take good care,

Tabitha & Adam