The Case for Anti-Racist Parenting in a Time of Fascism
What can anti-racist parenting teach us about getting through this period in time?
Tabitha here: We have some new friends among us so we want to extend a huge WELCOME! We also want to send a note of gratitude to you, our wonderful reader, for your patience regarding the gap in our biweekly schedule. I’m on the other end of some health and life changes that I hope to be able to share more about soon. AND I’m very excited to be back writing because we have quite a lot in store for you.
Adam here: Today, we’re delving into the realities of anti-racist parenting during times of uncertainty, unrest and just plain danger for many of us. We’re going to talk about lessons we’ve learned, and also share a few reminders for getting through fascist times by grounding ourselves in anti-racist parenting practices. And as always, we share Conversation Helpers for talking with kids during these times.
Anyone who knows a thing or three about the racist history of the United States knows that this period in time should come as no surprise. Fascist leaders need to denigrate parts of the population to maintain outsized power. It’s not only a weird obsession, it’s a tactic to distract from harmful policies and changes, like normalizing war or placing the National Guard in U.S. cities. By othering people, they create false outrage (for or against or silent, but nuance is a no-no). They distract from their real goals (maybe power, money or avoiding legal troubles), and eventually people become complacent when we’re just all so tired of the nonsense.
When we get to a point where we say “Well, at least the roving bands of ICE agents terrorizing Black and Brown people on the streets of Minneapolis/New Jersey/ New York (and more!) are not visible every day,” we downplay that they are continuing their patrols and attacks in other, less in-your-face ways. We are also ignoring the many people in our communities that are targeted and live with a sense of real trauma every day, even before Trump was elected.
And though we know that the pendulum tends to swing in both directions over the course of history, this period of time seems particularly awful because of the cruelty of this current administration.
Anti-fascist parenting has its roots in anti-racist parenting. When we develop a parenting practice that centers justice and equity for all, when we teach our children that our values are grounded in love, when we nurture a type of social justice that is based in community, we are more equipped when the tides of fascism come a-rolling.
We’re more ready because we’re already fighting injustice with our kiddos in tow.
We’re more ready because we’ve taught them to practice justice and equity every day, not dependent on the news cycle, but because it leads us to birth a more cohesive, stronger community in a world where all can be free.
We’re more ready because we’ve learnt that systems built without us will never really prioritize us AND it’s on us to keep them accountable, no matter who is in power.
We’re more ready because our activism is grounded in love and action.
Here are 5 anti-racist parenting reminders that might be helpful during this time of fascism and some conversation helpers when chatting with our children:
1) The kids feel it, too, even when us parents try to protect them.
The tensions we see and feel at the national level may be playing out on our kids’ playgrounds. Whether it’s exclusion or a rise in bullying, the discourse is heated and our kids are replicating it. Just the same way we see racism play out on playgrounds across the country all the time, the same is happening with fascism.
Conversation Helper: “Remember when we went to that protest? Do you remember what we were protesting for? Have you heard anything at school about some of the things we protested for? What do you think we can do about this?”
2) Us parents need to de-normalize attempts to normalize bigotry with our kids.
Behavior that threatens and denigrates vulnerable populations, such as immigrants and trans people, is normalized in the news and in conservative circles. The New York Times itself has been guilty of using language that dangerously dehumanizes trans people and Palestinians and conflates anti-Semitism and anti-Zionism, to name a few. This rhetoric trickles down to our kids. It’s on us parents to make that behavior very very abnormal to them.
Conversation Helper: “Do people around you use words that feel unsafe or unkind to others? What do you think we should do when they do that? What other words can they use instead?”
3) Promises have been broken since the dawn of America.
Tabitha here: BIPOC/People of the global majority, particularly Black people in the U.S., are still not seeing the promises of a supportive, affirming and safe country. We haven’t, even under other administrations. This iteration of the government feels particularly unsafe but us parents might want to steer clear of framing this time as the only awful time this country has gone through.
Conversation Helper: “What can we do to help everyone feel safe in their country? What does safety feel like? What does it look like? Should we try to draw it on paper?”
4) Racism, fascism and toxic masculinity are besties.
There is a rapid rise in toxic masculinity that has become a core tenet of the Trump administration. Attempting to dismantle the Institute of Peace and renaming the Department of Defense to the Department of War? Weird macho move. Playing with people’s access to abortion medication? Weird macho move. Using the Department of Justice to go after women who accused Trump of sexual abuse? Weird macho move. Attacking trans kids’ rights to gender affirming care? Weird macho move. Our kids are definitely feeling these attempts to claim masculinity as toxic, unhealthy and steeped in power. As they seek to normalize mistreatment of women and gender non-conforming people, it’s on us parents to teach our kids how to resist it. It’s on us to teach them, especially our young boys, that we want to help people be who they want to be. Healthy masculinity includes not hurting others and this is something that is everyone’s collective responsibility.
Conversation Helper: “Remember when we talked about ways to make the rules fair and kind for everyone? What do you think we can do to make sure that everyone has what they need, no matter their gender, race, or any other identity? What can we do to protect trans kids who want to be happy and safe in their bodies, just like you do?”
5) This joy that I have, the world won’t take it away (sing it with us!).
They can do a lot of damage but we won’t let them steal our joy. It sounds glib, right? It sounds a bit light to say that during these times. But their goal is to rob us and our families of the things that make us human and connected so that we are too tired, too jaded to fight back against their attacks. They want us disheartened and weary. But when we claim bits of joy for ourselves, we reclaim our humanity. When we teach our kids that it’s ok to do things that make us happy even when things are so very bad, we teach them to connect with the parts of themselves that give them fuel for the fight. We need joy to fuel anti-racism and we definitely need joy to fuel anti-fascism. We are big on modeling joy for our kids. Be it something as simple as painting our nails, or hugging a friend (with consent) or spending a weekend morning giggling at cartoons together, find your bits of joy and cling to them.
Conversation Helper: “What makes you happy? What makes your belly feel good? Should we do that right now?”
In times of fascism, anti-racist parenting can be a guide. Anti-racism isn’t simply an actionable guide that teaches equity. It’s a practice that can help us build bravery and strength for us and for our kiddos for a long time.
That’s it from you for today. We hope you get outside at least just a little today. Take good care, okay?
Tabitha and Adam