Brave Talks: Kids, War, and Imperfect Parenting
Support for the supporters; helping parents stay grounded.
Parents, it seems like the world is coming apart at its seams. In the midst of swimming lessons and kid graduations and sick tummies and sibling fights over Legos and kids who wake up way too early during summer break, it’s hard enough to manage what’s happening at home, let alone in the world. So we’re interrupting our series on Protesting With Kids to offer a few groundings that are helping us get through this time. As we're faced with tragedy after tragedy, these groundings can help us through each moment. After each grounding, you’ll find some guidance for maneuvering this time with your kids.
The administration is using the war on Iran to distract from atrocities in Gaza, Sudan, Ukraine (and more), global protests pushing back against fascism, poor showing at the birthday military parade, the harmful budget bill, and the failures of DOGE (and so much more!). As we recognize that each of us has different levels of engagement and capacity to handle the news, we also know that our kids pick up on what's happening whether we are talking to them about it or not. We need to examine this in the context of our families’ varying levels of privilege as this time calls for unprecedented resistance and people power on all fronts. Now is the time to be bold and brave as we push back against imperialism, fascism, and racism in all forms. We need all of us.
But how? You know yourself and your kid best. Shift and adapt this guidance according to what already works for your family when addressing difficult topics.
Grounding #1:
For parents: Our ancestors went through immeasurable pain, struggles and huge systemic changes, too. We keep telling ourselves that yes, oh yes, we are going through some tough times, but our ancestors also went through some really awful times. As a multi-identity family with Jewish, Black, Indian and immigrant ancestry, we honor those who came before us and look to them for lessons on how to get through this time. And we are here because of their fight.
For kids: If your kid is feeling overwhelmed with the state of the world, a grounding we find useful is “We are here. We are together. We have each other in this moment. And I’m holding on to you right now (whether physically or emotionally)”. Help them feel the closeness of your family unit and let them know that they are safe with you in this moment.
Grounding #2
For parents: It’s ok for us parents to find a balance between being honest with our kids about the realities of the world even as we try to protect them from the worst of it. It’s also not helpful to shield our children from the truth, because we are doing them a disservice. Older kids, like our 5th grader, discuss everything with their friends. If we aren’t a source of factual information for them, they’re learning as best as they can from the bits and pieces offered to them from their friends. Find kid-centric language to talk with your children about big topics like war and imperialism.
For kids: If your kid is old enough, a helpful introduction to conversations is always open-ended questions e.g. “What have you heard about what is happening in Iran?” Find ways to break down big words e.g. “A war is when violence is used by the leaders of countries when they’re trying to gain power over another country. In our family, we do not believe in using violence with each other. Violence leads to more violence and does not solve any problems. What are some things we have done to work through problems with each other that do not include violence?”
Grounding #3
For parents: Even as we have varying levels of privilege (even within our little family), none of us will remain untouched or unaffected by the atrocities occurring globally right now. Our goal isn’t to increase our privilege. It is to find community, to ground ourselves in shared bonds, to follow the lead of those who have been doing the work of dismantling harmful systems, to find connection and to build new systems that work for ALL of us.
For kids: This conversation can look like, “There are lots of tough things happening right now, and I know some of it might feel big and scary. Let’s think of some ways that we can connect with the people in our community, and with the earth. How can we find ways to help and heal in this moment?”
Grounding #4
For parents: Tabitha here: I’ve found it useful to lean into my own mental health care supports. Parents, we cannot be there for our kids and our community if we are pouring from an empty cup. Some people may tell you that it’s useless to do breathwork and meditation while the world is crumbling but here’s the thing. We need the sustenance within ourselves to ready us for the work ahead. We need to make sure we are mentally strong because this work of raising children who aren’t simply complicit in systems of harm but ready and willing to dismantle them? Well, it takes us having inner strength and fortitude. Now, if you have privilege and all you’re doing is breathwork and meditation, that’s not the solution, either. But for those of us who are actively working daily to combat harmful systems, this work can be exhausting and painful and we need to make sure we’re tapping into ourselves in ways that keep us nourished
For kids: This also applies to our little ones, but some kids may be more resistant to inner work than others. I’ve found it useful to play breathwork videos out loud around my children. I do my inner care work around them so that it becomes normalized for them to not just see a mama who cares for her mind but it also introduces them to the practices. We often check back on these strategies to help us.
Grounding #5
For parents: Those invested in imperialism, war and disruption are attempting to control the narrative right now. They’re trying to shift the conversation away from other atrocious things that they’re doing, like trying to make legislation that will harm us all, killing children in Gaza, taking away rights from trans kids, kidnapping immigrants off the streets, and more. Staying grounded as parents means that we stay consistent in work that fights ALL these oppressive systems and practices. This moment is a shining example of the quote “Nobody is free until everyone is free.”
For kids: So yes, talk with your kiddos about the war on Iran. AND also help them understand the power of distraction and help them realize that their attention doesn’t have to be limited to what is in front of them. Frame the conversations within the context of our overarching fight for peace and justice for all and keep doing the work of raising bold little changemakers.
RESOURCES
For kids books about resisting injustice, go HERE.
To find a useful post about 7 Ways To Raise Kids Who Resist Harmful Systems, go HERE.
That’s it from us for today. Hug your kids with consent. Reach out to a friend. Get tapped into a local organization and follow their lead. I know it may not feel like it sometimes, but we have each other, okay? Stay grounded and focused.
Tabitha & Adam